Reaction

The sun was shining bright outside. The air thick and sticky with heat. The birds chirped happily outside as I sat inside crying on my bed. "What the hell do they have to be so happy about?" I sobbed. Throwing my pillow across my bed. Curling into a ball I grabbed my favorite cow plush and cried. I cried the hardest I have ever cried in a long time. I felt as if I were losing a piece of me. A piece of my soul. When in fact it was just my best friend slash sister moving to another state. This wasn't the end of the world I knew this. It sure as hell felt like it though. My son came crawling into bed with me as I sobbed into my stuffed cow. "Mama, are you crying?" his sweet voice said as he snuggled me. I rolled over and pulled him close, a pressure in my chest filled me. I did not make a habit of it to cry in front of my children. Not like this. I stay laying there as I let the sadness ride me holding my son. This hurt so bad. My son placed his small hand on my face. "Mama, it's okay Mama," he cooed at me. He brushed tears away ever so gently like I have done for him so many times. Just like that I realized I needed to get out of bed and stop fretting over what I cannot control. This was not my choice or decision but it was my choice on how I responded. I had a choice to either stay in bed crying until no tears were left or stand up get dressed and get on with my day. My inner thoughts crashed over me as if I were giving myself a pep talk. There are summers, and holidays, phones, and FaceTime. Distance seems so small when you consider these things. You. Got. This. I let out a sigh hugging my little boy and kissing the top of his head. I loved him and he loved me. I could not let myself wallow in something that was good for everyone. I guess what hurt me the most. I didn't get to say goodbye.